Game review: The Messenger
The 80s were a weird time in video games.
If you were playing on a console, which probably meant an NES, graphics hadn’t advanced to the point to where they could realistically portray human beings.
It was more like “those pixels are his head, those are his body and… I guess he’s got a vest on?”
This wasn’t a bad thing, because it meant that games weren’t yet loaded up with 10 minute cutscenes that triggered every time you took three steps.
No, 80s video games had to be more like radio -- you had to use your imagination to fill in the gaps between the graphics of the time and the idea they were trying to portray.
It was a bit like reading a book, except more fun, because you were playing a video game.
And games back then weren’t serious about themselves.
Nothing about the 80s was serious. It was action movies and Hulk Hogan and dudes in fifth grade holding court in the bathroom, saying that we should just nuke Russia and that only pussies listen to Bon Jovi.
Anyway, my point is that the graphics sucked in video games back then, but that was a good thing -- because they actually had to be fun to play.
Then Ninja Gaiden came along and it felt much more cinematic than anything I’d played before that.
It actually had cutscenes that told a story, but the game was still hard as fuck, so as gamers, we still thought it was legit.
Like all games back then, beating it felt like a real accomplishment, because there was no internet to tell you where to go, no saves and (at most) three continues. After that, you were shit out of luck. Start over and get better.
That era is gone now and games look a million times better. And maybe I’m romanticizing the past, but they aren’t as fun. They’re better made, better quality of life, better stories, better writing better everything -- except I don’t have as much fun playing them.
There’s a whole website now that tells you how long games take to beat.
How long is Red Dead Redemption 2? It took most people 46 hours to do the main story. Ok.
I check that site all the time because mostly I’m thinking, “How much longer is this?” Even if I’m enjoying it.
Ok, that’s all prelude to talk about The Messenger.
It’s from Devolver Digital, which is that hipster game publisher in Austin that has probably put out a million retro 8-bit aesthetic games like this.
And a lot of their games are cool, but you can also tell that the people who work at Devolver KNOW they’re cool, which kinda takes some of the magic out of it. But I’m just being crotchety. It’s good that people are still making these kinds of games. Even if craft beer dudes are the ones doing it (I assume).
The Messenger is like a Ninja Gaiden cover band. It looks like it, it plays like it, and it has the same chip tuney soundtrack that sounds like a Gameboy getting thrown off a cliff and screaming all the way down.
I forget the story because who cares. But I know you’re a ninja from a ninja village who has to deliver an important scroll someplace. And along the way, you’ve got to fight a bunch of bosses who have attack patterns you have to memorize and, after a few dozen tries, you beat them, feel good about it, and move on.
Oh and there’s a little demon who follows you and if you die, he’ll taunt you with some meta humor. He’ll say stuff like, “Are you just ALLERGIC to pushing the jump button?” And you’re like, haha, fuck you dude, I’ve got a mortgage.
It feels like somebody at Devolver Digital following you around all the time, being all quippy. You can tell that whoever wrote the jokes on the death screens was really proud of themselves.
Anyway, if you remember Ninja Gaiden and liked those games, this game will absolutely scratch that itch, even though it looks and plays better than Ninja Gaiden ever did. At least, I think so, I haven’t played Ninja Gaiden in forever.
Another thing I should mention -- this is the perfect game to play while you’re doing something else. You can totally play this while you’re listening to NPR, which, if you get all the references in this game, you’re definitely old enough to be into NPR by now.
I am terrible at categorizing games. Is this a platformer? It’s definitely an action game. You've got a sword and you can kill most things in one hit. It’s one of those.
The bosses, however, take a million fucking hits to kill and you’ll get frustrated enough to throw your controller, but you won’t because controllers cost 80 bucks now.
I haven’t finished it yet. I’m in the “hell” part of the game. I think it’s called the Underworld, where there are spike walls and spinning spikes and blood dripping from walls.
But I’m having fun playing it. You also get a grappling hook, which is something Ninja Gaiden absolutely should have included.
There’s also a magician guy who you go to for upgrades and to save your game. He’s also clever, like your monster buddy, but at some point, you’re like, “Dude, shut up, I just want to look at my skill tree and see if I’ve got enough to upgrade. We get it. You’re clever.”
I’m being grouchy again. I really do like this game. If you’re in your 40s, this is a shot of nostalgia right into your veins. They clearly meant it that way, and it works. You’ll 100% start thinking of somebody who dumped you in middle school while you’re playing this game.
I never know how to review games. I feel like an idiot when I try to put my feelings about them into words. Either I like a game or I don’t, and I usually can’t verbalize why.
So... I liked this. It reminds me of an easier time in my life, but also video games were just simpler. There were bad guys and you killed them. Video games weren’t trying to say something important and developers didn’t get death threats if people didn’t like something in them.
Or maybe they did, I don’t know. But you’d have to do it by mail, and that’s a higher commitment to making a death threat than just firing off a tweet.
I’ve got the game on pause while I’m writing this. My guy just got a new hat and his body is moving up and down while he breathes. Ninja Gaiden definitely didn’t have that. Oh, and when you stick to walls, you can crawl up or down, which is nice. Maybe games ARE better now.
I’m at that point in the game where I’m comfortable enough with the mechanics that I feel powerful. That’s fun. That’s what you play games for, right?
That’s what this game is, in a nutshell. You’re a ninja with a scroll, and at the end, you’re a badass ninja with a scroll.
Except I haven’t gotten to the end yet. One of the bosses is still kicking my ass. Six tries and no luck.
Just like the old days.