Review: Cobra Kai, season 3
NOTE: This review contains light spoilers, but nothing too bad (I think).
When I was in fifth grade, I liked a girl in my class, so I asked her out. Via the mail.
Not a great move to put it in writing, I learned, because that letter was all over the school in a few days.
If I think about it long enough, I can still get pretty embarrassed, all these years later.
Cobra Kai is basically the same thing -- the utter inability to get over things that happened to us as children.
It’s a show about nostalgia -- and characters who are overcome by it. The high school flame who got away. And of course, the finals of the All Valley Under-18 Karate Tournament.
Johnny Lawrence, the show’s protagonist, started the series as a man trapped in the past. He’s still watching action movies, living in crappy apartments and chugging Coors Banquets at 8 o’clock in the morning.
Of course, this makes him immediately likeable. He’s a resurrected piece of the 80s and he hates everything he sees in 2021. We can all get behind that.
That’s the backstory. But mostly, Cobra Kai is about having fun. And to their credit, the producers never forget that.
Even when things are at their glummest, we still have time for a station wagon chase and (of course) lots of stunt doubles kicking each other in the face.
Johnny is still getting drunk in chain restaurants, sneering at technology, and eternally turning the radio to a heavy metal station.
I should interject here and mention that: EVERYONE LOOKS GREAT. You’ll be saying this to yourself a million times an episode -- especially with all the cameos this season.
Do ALL actors look this good in their 50s and 60s? Or is it just this group? It’s honestly distracting, but in a good way. You’ll constantly be pausing Netflix and Wikipedia-ing people’s ages.
Back to Johnny. He spends much of season 3 feeling bad about all the shitty choices he’s made. And I’m not just talking about getting drunk in a Chili’s lookalike and starting fights in the parking lot.
No, it turns out that his whole redemptive arc -- restarting Cobra Kai -- is flawed because it led to a giant fight in West Valley High School with his star pupil Miguel breaking his back on a stairwell (which is replayed approximately 100 times in the first few episodes).
That fight was the big blowoff to season 2 and it still looms large, with concerned parents worried that the school has become home to warring karate gangs. (If only my high school could have been that cool!)
So now in Season 3, Johnny’s back on a bender, but he eventually finds common cause with his eternal nemesis Daniel LaRusso and the two go on a road trip to find Johnny’s wayward son, Robbie.
Robbie is on the lam and he’s got a new haircut, but he’s still glowering at everything. It’s pretty much Robbie’s only facial expression; a permanent “You were never there for me, DAD” sneer.
Meanwhile Daniel is having problems too -- his daughter has PTSD from getting hit with spiked brass knuckles, courtesy of another Cobra Kai student.
And LaRusso Automotive, the emblem of his adulthood success, is facing possible extinction, courtesy of a rival auto dealer.
To save it, Daniel gets to live every weeb’s fantasy: He goes to Japan (and Okinawa, of course) and receives an ancient scroll.
And of course for the rest of the season, Daniel does not shut up about going to Japan. Everyone in the house is sick of his shit, which honestly, we all would be. “Did I mention that I picked this tea up in Japan? Have you kids ever tried to do karate on a fishing boat?”
One of the true joys of Cobra Kai is seeing all of Daniel’s warts. He’s kind of a crybaby and he will not shut up about Mister Miyagi. You get the feeling that everyone is constantly rolling their eyes whenever he leaves the room.
Oh! Speaking of everyone looking great, Daniel doesn’t look so hot. Johnny looks like a million bucks, apparently thanks to the restorative powers of Coors beer, meanwhile Daniel looks like he’s spent the last 35 years indoors, marathoning a VHS tape of his greatest karate moves.
Now let’s talk about the kids in the show.
Miguel spends much of the season in a hospital bed, yelling at visitors to leave. Of course, he eventually gets better because there are bad guys to do karate on, and he feels bad that all of his Cobra Kai buddies are now evil.
Miguel is fine, but his acting is one of the real weak spots of the series. He’s played by Xolo Maridueña, who has a bad habit of sometimes talking really quickly, so it sounds like he’s just speed reading his lines because it’s take 20 and he just wants to go back to his trailer. It’s not terrible, and this show is obviously not about great acting, but it did sometimes take me out of the show.
Who else -- Hawk is still a jerk who would be an incel if he didn’t know karate (maybe he still is, who knows).
The nerdy kid is still a nerd, but now gets a bit more respect at school because he knows karate. He gets to make out with a popular girl, which he will remember for the rest of his life, and she will instantly forget.
Tory, the girl with the spiked knuckles, is basically the same as last season, just more mad. And, as a dojo, Cobra Kai graduates from schoolyard bullying to regularly committing break ins and home invasions.
But more than anything, this show is pure fan service. Without blowing any big surprises, Cobra Kai brings back some familiar faces and tells some new backstories in a very satisfying way.
If you liked the movies and the last two seasons, you’ll love season 3. It’s more of the same, but there’s just a lot more of everything. More cameos, more flashbacks, bigger sets, bigger stunts.
You can tell that the producers now have Netflix money, because Youtube Red would never pay for a trip to Okinawa, or extended Vietnam flashbacks where the POWs still have clean fatigues and neatly combed hair, even though they’re presumably in some jungle prison.
But who cares. This show is ultimately about pumping as much nostalgia (and Easter Eggs) directly into your veins as possible. And we’re constantly going off on little tangents that always leave you with a pleasant 80s sugar rush.
Which brings me to another point -- this show does a masterful job of introducing new cast members, while keeping the focus (mostly) on the veterans.
Everything still revolves around Daniel and Johnny’s rivalry, but with the kids (led by Miguel) playing support roles and gradually getting more and more screen time of their own.
If the Star Wars franchise had introduced its new characters this effectively, nobody would have a problem with the new trilogy (except just the hardcore assholes who don’t like anything with too many women or black people in it).
OH and speaking of people who look great -- Martin Kove, who plays John Kreese, is now 74 or 75. I know! I honestly felt myself rooting for him because he can still pull off a short sleeved gi at his age.
Meanwhile, did you ever wonder how Kreese became such a giant asshole? This season will answer that question. (Hint: Because of Vietnam.)
And speaking of not getting over your past, Kreese is a great example of learning all the wrong lessons from his trauma. He got all hard and uncaring, while Johnny at least has the humility to realize that he’s kind of an asshole now.
He’s still a fuckup, he still struggles, but he keeps trying to do better. And in this age of COVID, that’s all any of us can ask for.
Oh and speaking of Star Wars, they should have taken a page out of the Mandalorian’s playbook and released a new episode every week. Because as it is, people like me can’t help themselves and we’re gonna spend the next year in a Cobra Kai hangover, while we wait for Season 4.
But here’s the thing about hangovers: if you had fun getting one, then it was worth it. And this show is worth it.
See you in 2022.